Another anniversary is approaching, and this time it’s Smoochy’s adoptiversary. I think back to early this time last year, a time when I was still grieving, a time where I was ready to let another love into my life, and a time where uncertainty and anxiety occupied most of my mind.
I’ve gone through such a transformative journey since then, and am so incredibly grateful to have Smoochy be a part of our family for nearly a year. The day that we brought him home, was a day that I’ll never forget. The journey that we took, to get here, is remarkable. Getting to know Smoochy, calling him Monkey at first, and the constant comparisons. Monkey used to do this. Monkey never did that. In my early grief, I read many books about loss, love, losing your best furry friend, and sometimes a theme that came up was reincarnation. Would Smoochy be Monkey reincarnated?
No, I don’t believe that Smoochy is Monkey reincarnated. He’s his own little dude. He likes to do things that Monkey didn’t. He’ll watch me shower, he’ll knead on his frog pillow and nurse, he’ll sit atop chairs like he’s on a tree branch. In so many ways he’s different. At first it was hard. Having this little boy here, who wasn’t Monkey. I was resentful, and I felt guilty about that.
Then at some point I realized, that this little boy needed me. He was young, abandoned by his mother, or who knows, alone, by himself. Sometimes I wonder what happened to him. But what I know now, is that he needed me, as much as I needed him. And together, we’ve been able to love again. Loving, and never forgetting.
I love you Smoochy. Thank you for helping to heal my heart.